Dealing Crisis in A Marriage

Marriage isn't easy, even in the best of times.  But in the worst of times, when a marriage is going through a period of difficulty, marriage can be quite demanding.  This is why divorce is so common nowadays.  There is, however, a method in which a couple can deal with a marriage in crisis.  

This method works no matter what type of crisis the couple is hit with, whether it is a death or illness in the family, a natural disaster, trouble with the law, problems with children, or some other type of issue.

How can couples deal with a critical juncture in their marriage?  The basic method involves having a plan in place ahead of time, before such an eventuality occurs.  In other words, the couple needs to know how to handle an emergency or urgent problem before any type of predicament happens.  The tactics outlined below will suffice for most couples in working out most any type of critical situation.  By following these suggestions, couples should be able to deal with any marriage crisis as it arises.


Do not blame each other for the circumstances or situation that you are in.  Blaming does not solve anything, and it could make things worse as it can increase hostility between the two of you.  Instead, be in control of your own actions and be supportive of your spouse's needs.


Try to lower your expectations of how everyday life should function when dealing with a marriage predicament.  For example, you may need to eat meals out more often rather than cooking at home as you usually would.  Or, you may have to let the housekeeping slide if there isn't time to handle the regular daily upkeep of the home.  


Do not expect your spouse to pick up your slack as far as everyday life activities go; instead, consider hiring outside help or asking friends for assistance.  By not placing extra work on your spouse, the difficult period in your life will likely be less traumatic because you will be able to rely on your spouse for support.


Make sure that you are communicating well with your spouse.  Do not use harsh language when speaking; rather, use calm, patient wording.  Speak to your spouse as you would like your spouse to speak to you.  Without good, strong communication, a marriage crisis can turn into material for a divorce--and this is definitely not what anyone wants.  So, be open-minded when having discussions and be sure to listen to your spouse's point of view.  Above all else, be able to forgive and move on if there are any issues with miscommunication.

Approach the situation together.  A marriage in crisis is a problem for the couple, not for one spouse or the other; therefore, both people in the marriage need to work together in order to be able to get past the trauma.  Working together can mean facing the problem as one or it can mean getting therapy as a couple; this will depend upon the exact crisis that the couple is having.   

If you are seriously seeking help to your marriage problem, you might want to find Save My Marriage Today by Amy waterman.

Problems with Marriage

If you are experiencing problems with marriage, trust me, you are not alone.  That being said, you may feel alone as you try to figure out the real issues and find a way to resolve them.  And in many situations, that is easier said than done.  But it is not impossible.  

Many problems with marriage begin with unrealistic expectations on the part of one or both partners.  This is particularly typical of people who get married when they are quite young or have not had previous long-term relationships.  Unrealistic expectations inevitably lead to frustration, and can also lead to anger and disappointment.  Perhaps some of the challenges facing your marriage are due to impossible expectations about the relationship or your partner.  Let's look at a few unrealistic myths which can lead to problems with marriage?

Hollywood Romance

Hollywood is the great perpetuator of romantic fantasy.  After all, that's what sells.  Wouldn't it be great if all marriages were as perfect or as exciting as they are often portrayed on television or in the movies?  After all, doesn't everyone's husband leave a trail of rose petals leading to the bedroom, where there are at least 100 candles burning and another 5 dozen roses worth of petals strewn on the bed?  (Seriously, where does anyone store that many candles?)  This fantasy idea that it should always be incredibly romantic can create problems with marriage.  The reality is quite different.  This doesn't mean the romance has to end after same things you do? but it probably isn't going to be quite as glamorous or extreme as it is in the movies. 

This fantasy idea that it should always be incredibly romantic caamoroutreme as it is in the movies. Perfect Partner

It can be a brutal wake-up call when you realize one morning that the person you married isn't as perfect as you thought.  People who get married without really taking the time to know each other are particularly vulnerable to the problems with marriage which arise when they finally see the other person, warts and all, and realize that they have all sorts of flaws and short-comings.   

Most people put their best foot forward in the early stages of a relationship.  And some can hide their faults for quite a long time.  To avoid problems with marriage like this really requires that you take the relationship slowly and don't put your significant other on a pedestal.  He or she will fall off at some point.  You can bet on it.  

Happily Ever After

Fairy tales are great for kids, but at some point, we have to recognize them for what they are:  fantasy.  While Cinderella and Prince Charming blissfully disappeared into the castle at the end of the story, we never got to see what happened inside those towering walls a few years down the road.  No doubt a glass slipper or two got shattered when one of them was upset!  

Marriage is not always happy and peaceful.  That would be great but it is not reality.  Conflict is going to occur.  You are not going to agree on everything and in fact, you may find that you disagree on several things.  That's okay, if you are mature enough to recognize and appreciate that you are two separate individuals with different perspectives, values, preferences, needs and feelings.  Once you can accept that, your problems with marriage will be a lot less challenging.

Don't lose heart if you are experiencing problems with marriage.  Check your expectations to see if perhaps they need to be altered a bit.  Many couples find that by changing their expectations so that they are better aligned with reality, many problems will subside.  If they don't, then it is time to look deeper.  But most problems can be overcome if both of you are willing to put in the effort.   

If you are looking for the best online course to save your marriage problem, The best solution I would really recommend is Save My Marriage Today by Amy Waterman. 

Help for Marriage in Conflict

Quite often when couples are seeking help for marriage, it is because their marriage is starting to crumble.  It may be that one spouse has been unfaithful.  It may also be because there has been a significant amount of conflict, often turning into awful fights.  Other times it may be because you have slowly grown very distant from each other, and you know if something doesn't change soon, the marriage is going to unravel altogether. 

Fortunately, there is help for marriage if you are both willing to make the commitment to work through the problem, no matter what it is.  This can feel impossible at times, particularly if there has been an affair or other type of betrayal.  Hurt feelings can go very deep.  And one of you may be more reluctant to try to work things out if trust has been damaged. 

Many couples do get their marriages back on track, even under pretty challenging circumstances.  Sometimes a crisis can be a much needed wake up call, making one or both of you recognize the necessity of getting help for marriage so you can heal the wounds.  Quite often, if you can get through the process of healing, you will find that you are closer than ever before. 

If you are seriously seeking help to your marriage problem, you might want to find Save My Marriage Today by Amy waterman.

There are many ways you can show each other that you are truly serious and 100% devoted to making the marriage work.  Following are just a few of the ways you can do this:

Make your marriage your number one priority. 

Careers, children, volunteer work and other family are certainly all very important parts of each of your lives.  But when you have reached a crisis point and need help for marriage, you must first be willing to put your marital relationship above everything else in your life.  

All too often work and children get all your time and energy and there is simply nothing left for the marriage.  Sadly, your children will suffer as a result.  You owe it to them to have a happy, healthy marriage to make them feel secure and to give them good role models.  And, the happier your marriage, the happier home life will be for your children. 

Be open to marriage counseling if needed

Sometimes couples get stuck and simply can't work it out without some outside help for marriage.  While marital therapy isn't right for everyone, it is definitely worth trying.  A skilled marriage counselor can help you find ways to communicate better, break unhealthy patterns and develop new ones, and put things in a new perspective. 

If your spouse feels a strong need for the two of you to get counseling, show your commitment by being willing to give it a try.  If you are unwilling to go, that will likely convey that you aren't truly committed to the marriage after all.  Your spouse may feel resentment, and there will be even more problems in your relationship.

Make a commitment to focus on everything you love and appreciate about each other. 

When you need help for marriage, remember the saying that you focus on expands?  This is very true in relationships.  If you focus on your spouse faults, you will end up bringing out the worst in him.  If you want to bring out the best in someone, you must frequently show appreciation for the qualities you really value. In turn, your spouse will be more inclined to show those qualities more. 

These are just three ways to show commitment to your marriage.  While there are many more ways, these three will go along way when you need help for marriage.  The more commitment each of you shows, the more motivated you will be to work together on your relationship. 

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How to Save Your Marriage On Your Own

One of the most common questions spouses ask when confronting a marriage crisis is this: How can I save my marriage if my partner doesn't want to help find a solution? How do I succeed I am trying to save my marriage on my own?
           
It is a typical enough story: one partner leaves, the other stays. One remains 'in love', the other is uncertain. Whatever it is that has caused a couple to be apart, the one person who remains bears the prospect, fear, doubt, desire, hope of saving his or her marriage' ALONE.

Considering there are two people contributing to the overall health and wellbeing of a marriage, shouldn't both of you be present to actually try and save it? Or, worse, when it's his, her, their fault so shouldn't he, she, they be the ones to make amends? You're just the victim here, after all!

The first thing you must know is if you want to save your marriage and if you find yourself alone in this desire, waiting for the other spouse to make the first move is the beginning of the end. If you are looking for someone to blame or someone else to put the emotional and physical work into saving the marriage, again, it's going to fail.

The belief that the responsibility lies with the other person is a self-defeating attitude.  It propagates the belief that there is absolutely NOTHING you can do to save your marriage and you should stand and watch what comes your way.

NOT true!  There is still something you CAN DO. Even in your loneliness and solitude, you CAN save your marriage.

How? Let's begin first by examining what it means to be on your own.

As human beings, we hate being alone. It's part of our genetic make up to be social creatures and develop connections with others, whether through friendships or romantic interest. The way we connect with others and the nature of how we interact with people is a fundamental aspect of personal and emotional development.

The paradox is that as we grow older in the love, trust, companionship and support of our significant others, we develop an internal strength of self that makes us whole, happy human beings. Ideally, the mature human person should have developed a strong sense of self-awareness, confidence and self-esteem as he or she reaches adulthood. These become the windows with which we view the world, flaws and all. These make up part of our personal shelter amidst challenges and difficulties. This is called SELF ACTUALIZATION.

However, many of us enter into adult life without even being aware of this beautiful, human truth. We may have experienced abandonment in our childhood or been disappointed by our romantic relationships; whatever it is, it has caused to shift from proper mature development to fears of abandonment and the inability to see that we can stand on our own two feet.

Thus, many of us enter relationships and marriages with the hope, plan and dream that we would never be alone. We invest so much in our partners and loved ones, focusing our entire beings on them and relying on them to make us happy and secure. Unfortunately, this perspective carries with it its own poison. Subconsciously, we project the responsibility of our life happiness on the other person, eloquently sidestepping taking responsibility for our own life happiness and destiny.

Problems develop when a partner indicates some form of dissatisfaction with the relationship or the expectations unwittingly placed upon them, and when they do so, we panic. When our partner leaves, our fears kick in. When something goes wrong with our marriages, it is very easy for us to place the blame of the other person for having made us unhappy.

In order to save your marriage when you are the only one doing it, the key then is a paradigm shift, meaning, the key is to change your attitude and focus. Stop focusing on your partner - stop the blaming, stop the inaction.

Take a good look at yourself and what you can do in this moment. You can definitely NOT control your partner's feelings, attitude and reactions, but you can control your own.  You can go from fearing abandonment to actually taking responsibility for yourself and your own happiness.

This is where the human truth about self-actualization comes in. Understand, adapt and internalize this for yourself. Learn it. It will spell the difference not just in your marriage but in YOU.

A whole human being is easy to love. A happy person attracts happiness. In starting with yourself, you can move from being an unhappy, clingy, difficult person to one who can provide an environment of safety, wisdom, trust and open communication. If each of you are able to self-sustain when it comes to taking responsibility for your own life happiness, you both have much less baggage and much more genuine love to bring into the relationship. Your motivation shifts from being one of fear to being one of real love.Rather than beat yourself up in desperation, try these tips to start your own personal  transformation and lead your marriage to success:

• Breathe
•  Smile
•  Let go
•  Believe that reconnection is possible 
• See a counselor for YOURSELF not just for your marriage 
• Examine your part in contributing to the difficulties in your marriage 
• Forgive yourself
• Change 
• Look after your health, beauty and well-being

For all you know, your partner (and you) may just rediscover the person they first fell in love with and more. For all you know, this is the type of you that would allow your partner to come back and initiate communication. When that happens, you have every opportunity to sit down with him or her, discuss your motivations, plans and feelings. You can even get to the real issues surrounding your marital difficulties and actually begin taking positive steps to work them through.

In being open and mature, you can also provide an environment where love and intimacy can flourish once more. With all the confidence and sincerity you have gathered, take these steps. Plus one more. Even in your separation, conflict or difficulties, find it in you to continue loving your partner and showing him or her that you do. Through little, subtle acts, like preparing a snack for him or her or spending some quality TV time, you can rekindle love in your marriage. They don't have to be grand gestures, they just have to be sincere. And coming from the mature, new you, they will.

If you are looking for the best online course to save your marriage problem, The best solution I would really recommend you to check out Save My Marriage Today by Amy Waterman.

3 Keys To Transform Your Marriage

Recognizing you have a marriage problem is the first step along the road to transforming your marriage, and for most couples simply acknowledging there is a problem shatters the marriage myth. According to love stories, movies, and fairytales we are supposed to live 'happily ever after'. But what happens when Snow White develops a drinking problem? What happens when Robin Hood's long working hours start affecting his marriage to Maid Marian? What happens when Cinderella says she has 'fallen out of love'?

We are taught in school how to do sums, how to read and recognize Shakespeare, and how to conduct scientific experiments, but what do we really know about the greatest social experiment of all, namely our ability to keep the love alive in our marriage?

The fact is we know surprisingly little, and from the moment we say "I do," we are literally flying by the seat of our pants. We don't get a manual or a textbook telling us how to get it right, so our marriage becomes an evolving set of experiments, learning and discovering more and more about ourselves and each other, and figuring out what works and what doesn't. Some say if we don't make mistakes we don't really learn, but what do those mistakes cost us, and is the cost too high for some couples?

That's why I have 3 ways to instantly transform your marriage. These are 3 things that you know will work and will help you get your marriage back on track. Let's call this your error-free way to redeem yourself and your marriage in the eyes of your partner and show them that you are committed to making positive changes in your marriage.

The first key to transforming your marriage is to stop looking at your issues on a case-by-case basis. Couples that try to solve arguments by going into the small details of every argument are never really going to deal with the big stuff. I'm talking about the issues that REALLY matter in your marriage, and the issues that keep coming up in every disagreement.

Spend too much time at work? Partner feeling unappreciated? Don't make love as much as you used to? Either of you feeling unfulfilled by your lifestyle or the relationship? Is the communication poor in your relationship? Does your need to always be right override the feelings of your partner? Spend less time worrying about the details and more time examining the issues and themes behind your arguments.

* The issue is your job. The theme behind this may be balance between work and home life.
* The issue is you not doing enough chores. The theme behind may be that you are being invited into making a greater contribution into coupledom.
* The issue is your partner being grumpy with you all the time. The theme is your partner needing to feel validated in the relationship

If you have a greater understanding of what the key themes are behind your marriage issues you are better able to develop effective solutions that will really make a difference.

 To fast track your improvements, go to:

Save My Marriage Today by Amy waterman.

The second key to transforming your relationship is to examine your beliefs about marriage. It's okay to not have the fairytale marriage. Even the best couples don't always get it right. But what makes the imperfections good or bad is how you choose as a couple to deal with it. When you disagree about something, do you sit down and talk about it, or is your first instinct to deny that there is a problem and hope that it will all go away?

You need to understand that it is okay to be imperfect. In fact, admitting this to yourself and your partner can be one of the most liberating actions you take in transforming your marriage. Admitting your imperfections exposes a vulnerability that can bring you closer together as you find ways to get some meaning out of your issues. Acknowledging that you do make mistakes can open the door to acknowledging that there is a better way to do things, and one of the lessons we are called into as a couple is finding that solution together. Make a list of things that you have learnt since you got married, and a list of areas that you as a couple can both improve on. Then try sharing that list with your partner and ask them to contribute their thoughts.

The third key to transforming your relationship is in recognizing the differences between men and women, and acknowledging the importance of both roles in the relationship. Just because your partner views something different to you doesn't make them wrong, and the same goes for you. There are often several interpretations of the truth, and the key to marriage success is in recognizing that women and men have key fundamental differences in the way they view things. For men, their view may be a much more task-oriented approach to fixing an issue, where a woman may focus more on the emotional process as you both navigate your way through marriage issues. While both approaches are different, with compromise they can both achieve the same result.

Write down 5 themes or issues. Then I want you to write down 5 task-oriented ways of trying to solve the situation. Then list 5 thoughts-based ways of communicating your way to a solution. 

The first step to transforming your marriage is in transforming YOU. Being married can be scary enough, but having marriage problems and not knowing how to fix them can be paralyzing! All it takes is the ability to step outside your day-to-day issues and look at different ways of viewing your marriage. Every marriage problem invites you into growing and offers you and your partner the opportunity to learn.

Now it's up to you to take what you have learned and apply it to YOUR marriage. You too can have a fairytale marriage!

Transform your marriage today,  check out Save My Marriage Today by Amy Waterman.

Common Marriage Problems

Failure to talk would lead to more problems.

For many couples, there are common marriage problems which often start to creep into the relationship over time.  If you are feeling that your marriage isn't what it should be, or what you thought it would be when you first walked down the aisle, you are not alone.  Millions of couples grapple with relationship issues, often feeling that the problems are unique to their relationship.  This can lead to feelings of embarrassment or loneliness, when it doesn't need to.  

So let’s take a look at three common marriage problems which many couples find themselves facing.  All of these can start out seeming fairly minor, but if they continue over a long time and aren't dealt with, they can have a very negative impact on a marriage.

Feeling like you have “fallen out of love” with each other

When you were first dating your spouse, and probably even when you stood in front of your family and friends and said your vows, you felt “head over heels in love” with each other.  For most couples, that giddy feeling doesn't last over the years.  In fact, for many, once the reality of day to day married life sinks in it starts to fade.  Your lives become one of routine, which is perfectly normal.  The demands of your work or careers, children and mortgages can take up all of your time and energy.  And if you are like some couples, you basically start living like roommates and nothing more.  While that scenario is fairly common, marriage problems like this can eventually lead to an affair or a divorce.  

Taking each other for granted

Another one of the most common marriage problems is that many couples start taking each other for granted.  To some degree, it is human nature to take for granted that which is always there.  But in relationships, this can lead to a slow, simmering resentment for one or both of you.  Everyone longs to feel loved, cherished, and appreciated.  After all, that was a big part of the reason you got married in the first place.  No one feels loved when they are taken for granted.  When it reaches the point of devaluing each other and failing to regard the relationship as sacred or special, it can be very damaging.  Sadly, what often happens is that you don’t even realize just how serious it is until the other person is gone.  

Failure to really talk to each other

Poor communication or the failure to really talk to each other is probably one of the most common marriage problems many couples face.  Learning to communicate well is a skill many people lack.  Others have the skill and may be great communicators in their career, but struggle with communicating with their spouse.  This is particularly true if one or both of you grew up in a home where poor communication was the norm.  You talk superficially but avoid discussing problems or issues as they arise.  Some people just find it easier to avoid any conflict.  Unfortunately, this doesn't work and in time will take a toll on your relationship if something doesn't change.  

If you and your spouse are struggling with any one of these common marriage problems, there is hope.  The first step is always acknowledging the problem.  The sooner you recognize the problem and take action though, the better!

  
Click HERE To Read My Complete Review on Save My Marriage Today Course By Amy Waterman  

Marriage Advice : What not to Say to Your Man

Your husband isn’t perfect. Neither are you. But telling him what’s wrong with him is a surefire way to destroy your marriage.

Men need to feel that their marriage is a safe zone that they can simply enjoy. They need to feel that they can be who they are, without being told that what they do is wrong. Because of that, you need to careful about how you open up a discussion about what isn’t satisfying you in your marriage.

I don’t recommend that you tell your partner: “I’ve been reading this book, and it says that we need to work on our relationship.” The phrase ‘work on’ implies that something is wrong and needs to be fixed. It will make him feel as if he’s not doing enough and put him immediately on the defensive.

Avoid telling him, “I think we need to talk about our marriage.” The ambiguity of the statement will lead him to expect the worse. As a result, he’ll close off emotionally rather than opening up to what you have to say.

Rather than criticizing your marriage, you tell your partner that you want to feel even closer and more connected to him. Tell him, “You know, I’ve been thinking, and I want to spend more time with you. I miss all the things we used to do when we were dating. Do you think we could find the time to talk to each other more?”

If you are looking for the best online course to save your marriage problem, The best solution I would really recommend is Save My Marriage Today by Amy waterman.